The School of Hard Knocks Retains #1 Ranking…John Page Burton

For the umpteenth year in a row The School of Hard Knock’s has been ranked as the worlds #1 educational environment, surpassing such perennial heavyweights as Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford and M.I.T. In my travels, I have met hundreds of people who claim to have graduated or earned an advanced degree from The School of Hard Knocks. I have met countless others who admit they simply caved in and dropped out of the school due to its rigorous curriculum. I consider The School of Hard Knocks an Alma Mater and feel compelled to share some of the things that make this educational environment so special.

According to the schools chief administrative officer, GOD, enrollment numbers are up but the overall graduation rate still remains much lower than expected. GOD said he believes the lower than expected graduation rate is due in large part to the “know it all” attitude that is quite pervasive in today’s society. GOD did say that he remains quite optimistic about the future of The School of Hard Knocks and all things considered remains quite pleased with its overall performance.


Campus Location: Planet Earth.

Current Enrollment: Approx 6 Billion full time students and 1.4 Billion that are engaged on a part time basis.

School Mascot: A Sperm Cell that goes by the name of “mo mo”.


The School of Hard Knocks is dedicated to providing a comprehensive learning environment where students become wiser through a revolutionary process called trial and error. The school strongly discourages its student body from seeking advanced degrees or becoming professional students. In other words, earning your PhD is considered quite remedial. The sooner you get the message and graduate the better for all involved.


The School of Hard Knocks does not offer scholarships or student loans. It is up to each student to determine the price they are willing to pay to complete their education and graduate.


Lesson plans at The School of Hard Knocks are custom designed to meet the specific educational needs of each student. The school provides a variety of “teachers” that become available to assist the student in fully understanding and completing each assignment. Tests are administered randomly to ensure that each student fully comprehends the material before they can move on to their next lesson. Each student is graded on a pass or fail basis. Students will be “held back” until they have achieved a passing mark. The school also offers a very thorough continuing education program.


*Economics. This course focuses on money management. Through a series of painful life lessons each student will eventually learn why it is prudent to spend less than you earn. Some of the lessons include; how to file the bankruptcy that is right for you, the fundamentals of foreclosure, advanced repossession techniques and the ramifications of check kiting.

*Sex Education. During this intense and emotional course, students will learn the importance of contraception, why car sex is usually a bad idea, introduction to child support, understanding retainer fees and the principles of garnishment.

*Criminal Justice. This course is designed to provide students with a comprehensive understanding of our legal system. Course offerings include; how to operate a breathalyzer, proper jailhouse etiquette, the high price of road rage, what traits to look for in a good divorce attorney and the two main reasons why we have open container laws.

I am fortunate that I was able to attend a traditional college. I also know with certainty that life has been my best teacher. I have come to believe that it is through trial and error, setbacks, and outright failure that our character is formed. There is an open door policy at The School of Hard Knocks. We can sign up for a refresher course anytime we like. How quickly we learn, adjust and move on will make a huge difference in the quality of our lives.

As always I appreciate your thoughts and feedback.success7


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