Human beings have an insatiable need for control. Many of us have paid and will continue to pay a steep emotional price because of our control dramas. We find ourselves angry, frustrated, resentful or even vindictive when things don’t go the way we “expected them to”. Trying to control every aspect of our environment is akin to trying to fit a square peg in a round hole…it doesn’t work! One of the main problems with control is that the more we attempt to control situations, events and people the more out of control we usually end up feeling. Most of us are resistant to being controlled and will fight hard to keep it from happening. Ironically, those who try and control every aspect of their existence do so because they are frightened by the feeling of being out of control. There are a myriad of reasons for a fear of not being in control, including but not limited to childhood trauma. People who have an unhealthy need for control generally drift back and forth between emotions. When things are seemingly in their control they are on top of the world and when things are seemingly out of their control they feel angst and frustration. The only way we can possibly break this cycle and find inner peace is through the process of SURRENDER.
Time To Hoist The White Flag…
Relationships. We must STOP trying to “fix” the people in our lives that we have deemed “broken”. This is an avoidance tactic artfully designed to keep us from addressing our own issues. Most of us don’t see ourselves as broken and we resent the notion that someone else thinks they need to fix us!. We must release our expectation that others need to behave in a certain way. People behave at the intellectual and emotional level that serves their current belief system. Imposing our will on others does not foster goodwill nor does it cause them to change. Surrender means that we have adopted a live and let live mindset, the cornerstone of which is acceptance.
Addictions. Food, sex, drugs, alcohol and work are some of societies most popular addictions. Most addictions start out innocently enough but quickly become a problem. When we feel that we are losing control of a person or situation many of us resort to addictive behaviors. When I was younger, my need for control due to my fear of being out of control contributed to the creation of a significant drug and alcohol problem. Under the influence I felt in control, although in reality my life was a series of control dramas that ultimately resulted in an arrest for DUI at the age of thirty. Twenty two years later, I can attribute my amazing life to the decision I made to “hoist my white flag” and surrender. Addictions effect everyone around us and WE owe it to ourselves and those we love to “hoist our white flag” and seek a breakthrough to a healthier way of being.
Clutter. When most of us hear the word “clutter” we visualize an overflowing closet, a garage that has not hosted a vehicle in several years or a pile of unsightly junk lurking in the corner of our back yard. Many of us carry around an equally disturbing amount of mental clutter. We relive our past hurts, failures, ill advised choices, relationships and a host of other “clutter” that the Ego uses to remind us that we are “less than, hopeless losers”. Surrender means that we have made a conscious choice to release the material and emotional clutter that is holding us hostage. We recognize that it no longer serves us in any way, shape or form.
It is through surrender that we find peace. When we let go of our need to always be in control we tend to find that the world is running just fine and that we have actually created quite a bit of additional time and space to enjoy it! As always, I look forward to your thoughts and feedback.