I recently spent the evening visiting a friends house. During our visit he talked about his frustration with being “single” and his desire to meet the “right” person and settle into a “normal” relationship. He went on to talk about how difficult it had become to get his friends to “come over and just hang out”. He rationalized this by saying “I guess everybody has just gotten caught up in the virtual world”. As our conversation evolved, I couldn’t help but notice the series of incongruent messages he is sending out to the universe. If you were to take a “virtual tour” of my friends home you would quickly notice that everything is designed to accommodate one person, him. It is abundantly clear that he does not intend for his friends or family to stay for any length of time. Let’s take a quick trip through his home, I’m sure he won’t mind. FYI…It is important to note that my friend is a person with above average financial means who has simply made a conscious decision to structure his life in this manner.
Close your eyes and let our “virtual tour” begin…
After we park on the street and walk toward the front door, we immediately notice that his carport only has room for one car, his. We enter the living room. A Lazy Boy recliner is the predominant piece of furniture. He has a “hard” wooden bench along one wall and also a small wooden chair with a thin pad serving as a seat cushion. The impersonal, barren nature of his living room furniture shouts a clear message…don’t plan on staying long, your body can’t handle it! “His” Lazy Boy recliner is the only comfortable chair in the room, although it would be unthinkable for anyone else to sit there. Our journey into the kitchen/dining area reveals a small table with two chairs. A quick glance into his cupboard reveals 1 wine glass, 3 coffee mugs, 2 plates, 2 drinking glass’s and several miscellaneous bowls, undeniably the trappings of a bachelor (did I mention that he is in his early fifties).
The home features two bedrooms. What could be considered as a “guest room” is far from it. This room serves as an office/utility room that leaves no space for any type of sleeping accommodations. Again, the message is loud and clear…”I am bachelor, hear me roar”!
His sleeping quarters appear cozy and comfortable and feature a bed, dresser, mirror and several warm pieces of art. His closet is well organized however, every bit of space is taken up by his clothes and shoes. There is clearly no room in this closet for anyone else to place their belongings. Our journey concludes on the back porch where we find two hard plastic chairs, a small grill and an outdoor fire pit (when I visit I choose to stretch out on the concrete slab as the hard plastic chairs are far too uncomfortable). This theme of discomfort carries throughout my friends “collegiate style” home and sends a very strong message to his friends and potential relationship partners…my closet is full.
How many of us lament being alone and yet we leave no room in our closet for anyone else to hang their clothes? Some of us carry this restrictive theme into every aspect of our lives. We find ourselves “wishing” we could land a better job but we never update our resume or send it out. We “wish” we were in better shape and yet we make little or no room for exercise. It seems that our wish list continues to grow while we continue to repeat the same behavioral patterns that keep us stuck. If we truly desire to attract a romantic relationship partner we must clear our closet to make room for them. It would also be a good idea to clean out the other half of our two car garage so when our ideal partner shows up they will have a place to park. If we desire to secure a more rewarding job or pursue a new career we must first clear the clutter that will enable us to attract a new opportunity. If we desire to get in shape we must make time for exercise. We must also clear our cupboards and refrigerators of unhealthy foods and replace them with healthy food. If we desire for things to change then we must change our thoughts and begin taking the right action steps that are congruent with our desire. For many of us today may be the perfect time to start making some extra room in our closet. The choice is ours!
As always, I enjoy your thoughts and feedback.